Alright folks, im back with updates. Lots of them. I learnt so many things thru my observations these few days. For one, my (paternal) grandma's funeral is officially over. Just came back from johor minutes ago. Its just weird to not have her arnd anymore.

Its not like she had always been 'arnd' me when she was alive. She lived with my uncle's family in my dad's hometown in Jementah, Johor and i had always been here in Klg. I only see her abt once or twice a year, err, during CNYs. But i guess i always believe thrs a special bond btw us.

She had been here in KL for her chemotherapies (in UM) for more than two yrs. Thts when i got to see her more often. Its sad to see such a kind and pleasant person suffer from such illness. It just hurts.

Da last time i saw her (bfore she passed away) was on Wed, Nov 24. Tht was when she insisted to b checked out from da hosp to go back to Jementah. It felt weird, bcoz she had insisted so strongly tht she wanted to return. (Its not usual of her to b so aggresive) And tht vr night, she went unconscious (she fell asleep and nv woke up) And two nights after tht, she just left. Now tht i come to think of it, its as tho she knew tht she'd be leavin. Saddenin, but at least she's not suffering anymore.

Oh well, her last words to me (when she was still in KL: just checked out from da hospital, preparin to go home) : Yre parents worked vr hard to make sure u kids get a good life. Please study n work hard to honour yr parents. Become a good architect. (in Mandarin) And thts exactly wht i will do.

And oh.. thx everybody, for being thr for me! Seein yr comments on my previous blog warmed my heart. And really really lotsa thnk'es to all of u who sms-ed/called me to check if im okay. I feel so loved. Tq so vr much!

*****

My (also paternal) grandad was admitted into da hosp in Johor da vr same afternoon my grandma passed away. High blood pressure and such. He didnt know tht she had left until two days later. And when he did, he is SO upset. It was as tho he had lost his own life.

U see, my grandad is super-dependant to my grandma. Everything he did, he relied on her. From his clothings to his meals to his medications, my grandma handled single-handedly. (Yes, my grandparents live with my uncle, but theyre quite ignorant.) My grandpa cant do anythin for crap, not even switchin on da ricecooker.. or da TV.. or da lights n fans..

I always knew my grandma did everythin for my grandpa, but i didnt know it was up to this extent! My goodness.. Only today, after hangin out at their place, i find him so.. err.. i dunno wht word to use. And my cousins told me tht she was still servin him like this even when she already had leukemia.

I guess sometimes ppl just get too comfortable with their lives when they get to depend on others. And now tht my grandma is gone, i really dunno how my grandpa can manage his lifestyle. I guess its better to serve ppl than to wait for ppl to serve us. At least u wont b so lost when u lose yr 'anchor'. I was spendin da whole day observin my grandpa (who couldnt bring himself up tht he decided to skip da funerals and prayers), and he was just sittin arnd da livin room. Without da lights and fans and TV switched on. Until someone does it for him.

However it is, im just so worried of my grandpa now.

*****

Okay i have now come to this part whr i hafta condemn ppl. Err, not literally condemn la. But i still hafta let this outta my heart.

I cant stand my uncle and his wife. (My dad's 4th bro) He's da most well-to-do among da siblings. And yet, he's so calculative (kiamsiap is more of da word) when it comes to money. Even when its his mom's funeral! (Last time my gma's chemotherapies also he refused to pay!) Im so vr disappointed.

Then when it comes to other stuff (like,err.. being da 1st to pray, or to lead da prayers, or to walk to procession during da funeral) wahhh, he will be da 1st! Definitely no worries abt tht! Supposedly all these rite, shld b done by da eldest son (which is my dad) But its okay la, coz my dad is a vr patient man n he dont really care abt all these rituals thingy. He just want da funeral to go on smoothly so he didnt bising or anythin (but d other siblings all complain complain coz cannot tahan my uncle ady!)

Then when everyone's helpin out during da funeral/cremation ceremonies, his wife was just sittin arnd. Just orderin ppl arnd. Giving orders to everyone. I mean, its okay to a certain extent. But i really cannot tahan when she talks to my mom like some kinda maid or somethin! So annoyin...... arghh

And da geram-est thing is tht.. my dad suggested tht they'd get a servant or somethin, since my grandma isnt arnd anymore to serve my grandpa and my uncle+aunt are always out. Then who take care of my grandad wor?!! He doesnt even know how to switch on da lights/fans. Most importantly, his medication problems. Hafta make sure he takes his medicine on time ma.

BOTH OF THEM DUWAN! THEY DUWAN TO EMPLOY A SERVANT!!! EVEN WHEN MY DAD SAY THT DA EXPENSES WOULD B SPLIT INTO 5 PARTS (my dad has four other brothers)!! WHTS THIS MAN!?! THEN FINALLY MY DAD TOLD HIM THT MY DAD WILL PAY ALL.. THEY DONT HAFTA PAY.. THEN THEY SAID OK! STEWWWWPIDDDDD! SO RICH SAMORE SO KIAMSIAP.. IM SURE WHEN DA MAID COMES, SHE'LL B DOING ALL THEIR HSEWORK.. AND MY DAD WILL B PAYIN FOR THEIR HSEHOLD. BODOHNYEE.. BUT WHT TO DO? NO CHOICE.. HAFTA THINK FOR MY GRANDPA..

All my other uncles and aunts were vr sweet throughout da whole thing tho. All vr united. At least thrs somethin to cheer for. I guess its rough times like this u get to see a person's true character.

*****

Oh well.. then thrs da rituals part. They made it such a big deal tht da boys stood in front n got da best of everythin (durin da prayers and everythin else. Read me: E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.) while da girls stood hideously behind. Now, girls vr cacat meh? Hafta hide hide all..

Da best thing abt this is.. it wasnt da monk's (who was leadin da prayers) instruction. Guess who? My vr-da-smart uncle lor! So particular abt all this small small details, wht da heck! Da monk even made it so clear tht we could stand/sit wherever we want. Freely, regardless of age or gender. Then my good-for-nothin uncle came made his own laws. I hafta say this another time: Stewpid!!!! Arghh..

Its not tht i wanna sit in front also. I mean, it really doesnt matter. Im just so annoyed at him and his wife. So it just feels like its a vr big deal la. Geramnyeeee..

*****

I want no part of this madness.

Tht the man shld have a son as the first born, a son for the sake of perpetuating the family name.
Tht the son shld be a genius and a success in every sense of the word.
Tht the son shld find a suitable mate.
And start the whole cycle of expectation all over again.
I want no part of this madness.

Tht the woman exists only to bear the son, and to honour her man.
Tht a 'real' woman shld stay home and kill her other ambitions.
Tht her daughter and her granddaughter and her great granddaughter shld do the same.
And start the whole cycle again.
I want no part of this madness.

Tht money is everythin.
Tht money is power.
Tht we care only for ourselves to heck with the rest.
I want no part of this madness.
Please.

-end-

Oh right, almost forgotten to say these:

1. I saw da pics from da Equinox (da SAQS Ball). Everyone looked great and had lotsa fun. Im so so so sorry i couldnt make it. Im glad u guys enjoyed tho.
2. CONGRATULATIONS to my bestest fren Nadia Tan on her reign as da SAQS Prom Queen 2004. Im so sad i wasnt thr to celebrate yr victory hahaha.. (Im gonna vote for u next year!)
3. I super-regret doin my French Manicure. Such a waste of money. Well, it still looks good now, but i shld have spent it on better things!!!!!
4. Im so glad all is over. My models + portfolio all settled. Time for lots and lots of sleep! Yayy!
5. Thrs a thief out thr in our campus. Da weird thing is tht this thief steals only MDF boards. (My fren left his whole bag in da studio but it wasnt stolen!) He/she stole at least 30 boards from my studio!!! Err mine wasnt stolen coz i stuck my stuff onto it ady.. D others were all stolen! Argh.. So everyone from TCPJ plz beware! Dont leave yr MDFs layin arnd..
6. And those arnd Teluk Pulai.. careful careful also yea. Just found out my fren (YeeMei) got robbed outside another fren's (SweeSan) hse.. So dangerous ler nowadays..
7. Plz drive safely peeps! Too many accidents lately. My frens Bryan and Howkeat were both involved in one (separate ones ler) recently. So PLZ PLZ PLZ take care ok?
8. Im a vegetarian right now. Will b one for 7 weeks until da next prayer for my grandma on Jan 15. Wish me luck n plz dont tempt me with other food!

Love y'all!

-end-

Was in college this mornin for da yrbook meetin and Hongleong complained abt me not updatin regularly.. (Btw its not like u update vr often also, Ho Hong Leong!!! Haha) I explained it was bcoz i had to think of wht to blog on (nothin really interestin happened to me these days), then Chern laughed n said he nv knew we had to think of wht to blog on.. Hmm, no meh? (Just a spontaneous survey: Do u bloggers need to think abt yr blog contents?)

Hmm so somethin random over here: I rem readin sometime back (shortly after da movie Troy was released) tht Brad Pitt had intentions to bcome an architect. Da star wa plannin a break from Hollywood to serve an apprenticeship with (guess-who?) Frank Gehry. (oh well u guys probably heard abt tht already..) Well well, it WAS big-time news to me..

If u have no idea who Gehry is:
1. He's a Canadian. One of da world's leadin architects, literally..
2. He built da Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao (Yd know if u watched Megastructures on TV last mth or so) n da Walt Disney Concert Hall.
3. He is working on an £800 million plan to redevelop a strip of downtown Los Angeles, in which Pitt was supposed to b assistin him.
4. He is reaLLYyyyyy oLddddddd. (74 i think!)
5. And ultimately, he is Pitt's good fren.

Well i dont know it is really workin out okay since thr havent been follow-up news on this pitt-turnin-architect thingy, but i certainly hope he's not just a pretty face!

Oh, so, and, my point of view:
1. I dont particularly know if i really like Gehry's works becoz his buildings generally look the same, and they jus bore me in general. I mean, yeah, theyre cool, n YES, i m pretty impressed with his museum (i always thought it looked ugly, then i changed my mind when i watched Megastructures) n his concert hall (mostly bcoz its totally white!) n his concept. But i just have a problem with da fact that he can build da same building in Spain, LA, Seattle, n wherever else, PLUS each building can be of da same wavy reflective thingy.
2. However, i must praise him for his efforts (n da success) of pushin da building industry to learn new building methods n tht, of coz, is valid. N i do agree tht he does make sculpture.
3. But anyway, i heard he doesnt pay his interns.
4. And i really must say: He's really old! Haha, i dont know why im makin this an issue. Really.
5. So why does Brad Pitt get an apprenticeship when i am sure thr are thousands of students, who really would like tht opportunity as much as him? (He turned down so many students)
6. Karen told me she read in some mag many yrs ago abt Brad Pitt being interested in architecture, and how he had designed homes, or somethin n was building his own home, or somethin, i dont really recall. Shld tht b a cookie point?
7. I dont know why, but... overall, knowin tht just kind of annoyed me. Pardon me, i admit I may b just biased abt him. But he sure is good lookin! Haha.
8. On a side note, i heard da admission fees into Gehry's buildings are vr EXpensive! Why does it cost da public so much to get into his buildings? I hate tht.

-end-

Friends mean well when they say, " Its only yr imagination. Dont worry. Thrs nothin to b afraid of."

I know.

Bahh.

But u and i know this kind of fear medicine nv really worked. Such soothin remarks may give us fear relief for a few minutes (to me, none!) But da its-only-in-yr-mind treatment doesnt really build confidence and cure fear.

Most fear is psychological. My case, is all stem from my mismanaged, negative imagination (plz pardon my vivid imagination). Da thing is.. da its-only-in-yr-mind treatment presumes tht fear doesnt really exist. But it does. Fear is REAL. And i read somewhr tht fear actually makes ppl sick, causes organic difficulties, shortens life. ARghh!!!

Yea, i know fear is real. I know! I also know we must recognize it exists bfore we can conquer it. All tht i know laaaaa! I tried everythin i could. Everyone gave me soooo many advices n theories. Every method u can think of, i've tried. They say we can cure a 'mental infection' da same way we cure a body infection with proved treatments.

But then why i still cant cross da road on my own? ahahaha.

-end-

Crapology's in my blood. Here i go again.

I realized somethin today. I seem to fashion-code places. Lookin at da pictures i've taken, i found tht i wear almost da same clothes to certain places. (Yes, i bring my camera to almost everywhr i go!)

I wear my...
.. pretty dresses n such... to KLCC.
.. vr girlish skirts n usually-pink top... to Lot10,KL Plaza,Times Square.
.. denim minis n plain t-shirt/top... to 1U, Ikea, Ikano etc etc.
.. levi's jeans n top... to Pyramid n its vicinity.
.. shorts, usually-white tshirt... to anywhr in Klg.
.. anythin eskimo-ish... to college.

Why a?

I suspect its gotta do with architecture... Im serious! Afterall, everythin's gotta do with architecture. Reallyyyyyyyyyyy.... (Hmm but dunno how to explain)

*****

And oh, saved another kitten from da drain today. Yet to b named. But i doubt i'd b able to keep him. My family just wouldnt allow!

-end-

You do da math.

I was readin da STAR today (I read it everyday la duhh). Thr was this article tht caught my attention somewhr in Two (da Lifestyle section). It says tht guys find intelligent/smart girls for appealin n attractive, yet guys tend to marry girls who arent as accomplished.

Whrs da logic?

Does this mean tht guys dont wanna marry da ppl they find attractive? Or does it mean guys hafta feel smarter than their wives? Or mayb guys dont marry da ppl they love? Or is it tht guys love girls who arent attractive? And does it mean tht if a guy asks me in hand for marriage, he's actually insultin me (as in he thinks im dumb)? Argh this is confusin..

Oh well da article says tht guys does this bcoz they feel tht smart girls with high accomplishments are generally vr attractive, n so they will attract more 'bees', n so their position isnt vr secure. And so they choose da not-so-smart, or less accomplished ones to ensure tht 'they could b sure tht their offsprings would b their vr own'! ('they could b sure tht their offsprings would b their vr own' was quoted from tht article)

Hmm wht did da author really mean? Even if da girl is really tht attractive, it doesnt mean tht she'd cheat on her husband wht! And even if she isnt all tht smart, it doesnt mean shes not attractive wht!! Isnt this mindset really unfair to da ALL GIRLS? Then wouldnt this b an insult to da married women? So wht if most guys cant think straight when theyre seduced, it doesnt mean tht girls are as urge-n-hormone-driven! Erm im not sayin tht all guys are like tht, or all girls are like tht, but it just even fair!

And besides, 'so tht they could b sure tht their offsprings would b their vr own'?!?!!!! Omg.. (Plz remind me, which era are we in again?)

Mayb guys are just too egoistical to admit tht girls may be smarter, or more capable than them!

.
.
.
.
.

So just wondering:
Am i smart?
Haha.

-end-

Oops.

Totally forgotten tht i havent posted on my results. Sudah kena marah dari pelbagai pihak! Hahaha. Okay la, due to popular demand (cheh... ) here they are!

My Semester 3.
Design Studio 1: A
Building Services 2: A+
Architecture History 1: A
Building Construction 1: B (Ish!)
Site Surveying: A

Hmm guess i did pretty okay.

Thousand apologies to those tht have been waitin to check my results here. Its not tht i lansi ady ok?! Hehe, just didnt know tht u guys wanted to know my results! Fuhhh luckily i didnt fail anythin! *Pressure* Haha.

Cant think of wht to blog today. Later!

-end-

A little tht I dont have much to write these days, and a little tht I jus havent felt like doin so.

Another yr is close to passin, n not much has changed. Still da same people, doin da same things.

Thoughts are really discombobulated these days. Seems like Im jus floatin along, as da yrs flow endlessly by. N all I see is a blur as time begins to speed up. So I close my eyes n find solace in my memories. But da world continues to race on arnd me n da occassional roadkill is da only thing tht I can see.

My number one question of da day: wht is LOVE?

this of course, leads to further questions, namely: wht is meant by 'relationship'? wht are yr expectations of it? r these expectations fair? wht r da costs/benefits? why do people need love? is it a feelin of being wanted? why is it important to feel "wanted"?

love
n.

1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
3. i. Sexual passion. ii. Sexual intercourse. iii. A love affair.
4. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
5. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
6. An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.
7. i. A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.
ii. The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.
8. Love Mythology. Eros or Cupid.
9. often Love Christianity. Charity.
10. Sports. A zero score in tennis.

Love... Only if it were as easy to define in life, as it is on paper.

*****

And i met some of my SAM S7 classmates today. Namely Hani, Chian, Kev, Kuhan. We talked n talked n talked abt everythin.. So nice to see them again. Might b seeing them again tmr. So happy!

-end-

Hey its quizzin time again. Jus feelin in with some posts so tht it wouldnt look like ive abandoned my blog. Will b bloggin actively again by end of this week, busy with my yearbook stuff now! Hehe. Plus ive been asked to help out at da beauty salon again. (Yea i know facials n stuff, surprised huh?) Oh well, so here's da quizzes i got from wandergirl's page..


Your World (Part One): What is your world made of? [girls]
brought to you by Quizilla


Your World (Part Two): Your social world [girls]



Your World (Part Three): How do you see your world [girls]


And here are some others i just bumped into:


You are a water girl. You are flexable and very
nice. You are quiet so people who don't know
you thnk you are weird or just mean and high
and mighty like. You aren't though. You like
to have a good time and you also just like to
relax and just enjoy the stars.


Who are you inside????? (LOTS OF RESULTS)girls only
brought to you by Quizilla

Alright peeps! Im goin to bed! Tired...

And right, pls dont call me. Dont wanna sleep-talk! Haha..

-end-

Im not home right now. Somethin's terribly wrong with my darn computer. I have a dateline to meet tmr n my comp just wont switch on! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

But since thrs nothin i can do abt it right now, i shall answer this survey laaa.

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
Not sleep for 4 days in a row. Shoppin marathon in 5 shoppin centres in a single day. Played mahjong.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Actually i cant really recall wht was my previous new yrs resolutions, hehe. But sure, i always have a vr vr long list each yr.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope. How i wish thr was!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Ya. My grandma, Nov 26.

5. What countries did you visit?
Singapore, and only Singapore! Arghhh..

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
More luck. More sleep. More new clothes.

7. What date from 2004 will remain clearly upon your memory, and why?
Mar 23: Accident tht left a scar on my face
Nov 21: My grandma last words
Nov 26: My grandma passed away :''(

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Completin my studio work on time!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Bad hair perm. I had da curliest hair i can ever imagine, arghhhhhh~

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Hmm yea. Lotsa migraine, probably bcoz of da stress or mayb sleep deprivation. And injuries due to accidents n heroic animal-savin moments! Haha. So i guess half my body isnt functionin ady!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Hmm da IKEA kitchenware nads and i bought to give all our studiomates on our made-up Kitchenware's Day! Dumb, but tht was lotsa fun!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Everyone who made my day in any ways.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Well, someone. But i wont let tht affect my 2005 so wht da heck.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food n studio materials.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Activity weeks!

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
Kau Ilhamku (bcoz of Andrew, M'sian Idol) Haha.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happy!
ii. thinner or fatter? thinner, ive been vegetarian for a month now!
iii. richer or poorer? definitely poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more?
Sleep! Shop! Hang out n do nothin! Daydream!

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Hsework.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Xmas is over!

21. Did you fall in love in 2004?
Ya.

22. How many one-night stands?
Zero.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
I dont watch much TV. But if thr was to b a fave, it shld b Disney-ish.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I dont hate anyone.

25. What was the best book you read?
The Da Vinci Code.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
It must b Simple Plan.

27. What did you want and get?
To b loved. Great time with family. Great friends in college. An A for my studiowork. Miniskirts.

28. What was your favorite films of this year?
New Police Story. Phantom of Opera was okay.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Turned 19, gone to college, celebrated with Liseong n family.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Everythin was fine except for my sleep deprivation.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Comfy n plain.

32. What kept you sane?
LuRvE!

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Hmmmmmmmm..?

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Beheading crapz. Plz do not send me ANY video clips of this kinda things anymore ok?

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
You cant change a person's character.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your 2004:
Have u ever stood ourside a picket fence? You could see thru but you cant get to the inside. (Hanson)

-end-

Bahh.

7 days left bfore i head back to my sleepless college life. I havent really enjoyed my holidays yet! Argh.

Oh well, here's a list of things tht i wish to get accomplished bfore i go back to sch:
1. CNY shoppin! -CANCELLED-
2. Kungfu Hustle.
3. Get my hair cut.
4. Meet up with Peiyun.
5. Meet up with Nick n Meileng n Weizhen.
6. Meet up with Weeli.
7. Pay Mr. Woon a visit.
8. Lunch with Hongleong.
9. Hang out with Nads.
10. Clear da cupboard in my room.
11. Organize my Semester 3 work.
12. Oh well, i promised my mom to do facial for her. But im tryin to pretend i've forgotten abt it. Haha.
13. And i wanna go KTZ (SS2) to drink tongsui!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
14. Re-work on da yrbook timeline. But i dont know how i am to finish it!
15. YUMCHAR with thomas. Haha. (Happy now, Tom?)
16. Pay a visit to Uncle Gee in Melaka.
17. Take my little uncles WenXiang n WenChi out to visit M'sian tourist spots.
18. Watch Meet The Fockers.

27/12/2004: I'll probably come up with more on my list each day. Hope i can b productive n quickly check them off my list, which i doubt.
28/12/2004: Ahhhh.. More n more things added... n none checked off!
3/1/2005: Oh well, im cancellin da new yr shoppin off my list coz im savin da money to donate to da tsunami victims. They need da $$ more than i need my new clothes.And Meet The Fockers is new on da list!

-end-