Its sad to see things fall apart. And its weird how things just dont work out sometimes. I havent been bloggin lately. I dont know if im really that busy, or if i havent been able to balance my emotions. Spent so much time daydreamin, which is bad, its da end of da semester n everythin's due!

Here's somethin random...

Me: Hey wht ya doin thr?
H: Nothin, just studyin.. U?
Me: Er nothing much either, i shld b workin on my model tho.
H: Okay, anything u want to tell me?
Me: Hmm no kua.
*No reply*

And i guess thts da end of our little chat. Happened so many times ady, his last sms to me shall always be "anything u want to tell me?"

I wonder if i shld even be bothered whether he replies my msgs. I doubt i shld even sms him in da 1st place. But i keep thinking abt it, i dont know why.

-end-

I learnt somethin today. Lemme tell u a story..

As a kid, i nv really always got wht i wanted. Unlike other little girls who always gotten everythin they wanted (erm im actually makin comparisons with my well-to-do cousins and friends from private schools) I used to think so, at least.

I remember a far uncle (mom's cousin) passed away a day before my 10th birthday. Totally ruined my day. I wasnt even close to him! Had a 'BIG' party all planned for my birthday for months, then one day bfore it, somethin has to happen! My mom n dad n uncles n aunts n grandparents, who were supposed to b comin to my party, all went for da funeral instead. Which means all my cousins cant make it either. Mom told me to go ahead, my maid will get everythin ready. But being utterly disappointed, i threw my temper at every adult at home n called my party off. Mom had to call every friend of mine and tell them tht da party had been cancelled. And i cried my hearts out tht night, n i didnt really get over for mths. I had to give up on my long-planned birthday party for someone i hardly even knew. I thought tht was sacrifice.

Then i remember one year, when i was fourteen, my family was plannin to go to Las Vegas for vacation. My dad was vr busy with i-really-dunno-wht-until-today tht he had forgotten to do somethin for my visa (and my sister's). Then end up, last minute, da both of us found out tht we couldnt go, bcoz something's wrong with our visas. Boy, was i mad! I was so excited abt da trip all year long and suddenly, i couldnt go! And da worst thing - da rest of da family gets to go! "So unfair!" but i didnt say anythin when my eyes start to get watery n stuff. I gritted my teeth n said, instead, "Err u guys go ahead la, we'll b fine at home without u" But i really hafta say, i was really really mad at my dad for this thing for soooo long! Especially when they came back from Las Vegas with all da pics n souvenirs n stuff! ARgghh SO MAD! But again, i said nothin. I tried to convince myself tht "at least someone had fun" And i thought tht was da biggest sacrifice on earth.

Then once, i started being obsessed over drama. Was supposed to go for an audition. I was soooo excited abt it for months! Then on da actually day of da audition, my mom was supposed to send me thr at twelve, i think. 11.30am, she didnt turn up. 12, no signs of her. 12.15, i started callin n callin n callin her hp, couldnt get thru. 12.30, i was startin to get mad. 1, i was cryin. 1.30, my friend called me and told me tht they wont b waitin for me. My heart fell, my parents broke another promise. Arghh. I was really vr vr mad. Tht night, my mom came home, she was so excited to tell me she got da deal with one of da largest furniture export company in S.Arab. I kept quiet. I guess she forgotten abt my audition. It wasnt da 1st time my parents forgotten abt my stuff. I was mad, but i kept quiet. "At least theyre happy" And i guess she still doesnt know how disappointed i was tht day. Again, i thought - another sacrifice.

My first year outta school. I was so excited, no more uniforms, no more stupid rules, whtsoever! I went to Taylors College Subang Jaya for SAM. A great year! Thts whr i met so many of my good friends, and thts when i started goin out with Liseong. But things arent tht good at home. I had problems with this grandma at home. She picks on every single thing i do. I probably havent done anythin correct in her eyes. I couldnt concentrate studyin. I couldnt work on my assignments. Thought of shiftin outta home, to SS15 or somethin. Told my mom abt it. But she was quite reluctant, coz she said she will miss me when i leave for Australia da next year (I was supposed to go to Aussie for my studies after my PreU) and tht she'd b vr worried of me. I felt vr touched, i love my mom vr much. I decided to stay. Plus, i was kinda worried my gma will shift her attention n throw her temper at my sis instead if i left. So i stayed n took all da crap she wanted to give me. I felt vr sick of all tht, but i hung on for my family. "Besides, i will b leavin for Aussie soon." Another sacrifice, i guess.

Okay, great. SAM ended, i got okay-results. Time to leave and flee from all da nonsense at home. Haha. Not so soon, God says. My dreams to study Architecture overseas shattered soon enough. My paternal granny's condition got worse n da doctors now announce tht she needs chemotheraphy. Of course, chemotheraphy means money. If u had been readin my blogposts regularly, yd know how expensive da theraphy is! My parents dont print $$$ yknow! Sometimes i wonder why its happenin. Must b my karma. Argh. But i do love my granny so vr much, i want her to get well. Mom n dad still insisted to send me overseas. But i know tht'll b a heavy load for them. Oh well, study in da country, tht is! Hmm and now i continue takin all da crap at home from my other gma, despite da workload n stress i get from my course. Another sacrifice, huh, thank u vr much!

Hmm so much for my story. Now lemme tell u wht happened today..

I met a good friend K today. She's da best dancer i know of. Havent met her for abt five or six years ady, so i was quite surprised to see her again today - with a BIG scar on da left side of her face. She smiled, knowin tht i was shocked, and told me calmly, tht she was in an car accident abt a year ago, in Kelantan.

Me: Wht happened?!
K: My bro was drivin n my whole family was in da car. I dont quite remember wht really happened coz i was kinda sleepin in da car. Then this van came outta nowhr n came right towards our direction.
Me: Oh no!! Is everyone ok?
K: Not really. *Looked sad for a moment, but smiled again.* My dad died.
Me: Oh no! Im so sorry!
K: Its kay. He died tryin to protect me.
*I studied her face for a while, but i cant really decide wht expression she had on her face.*
K: *Smiled* I had a dance competition da next week. I practiced da whole year for it. My dad knew it meant alot for me. He bent down and shield my leg so tht thr would b less impact. Da van hit right onto da part whr his head was.
*I really dunno wht to say*
K: Dont worry, im okay.

I stayed silent for quite some time while we sipped on our drinks in Starbucks. I really didnt know wht to say. Its da greatest sacrifice i have heard of. I mean, somethin tht really happened to someone i really know. She broke da silence.

K: He died on my lap. He told me to win da competition for him bfore he left. And i did. *Smiled again*
Me: Im sure he's vr proud of u.
K: I hope so.
Me: He definitely is. Trust me.
K: Kay. *Smiles*

I know she will b goin for another competition end of January next year. I wish her all da best of luck. I know it means alot to her. And i really admire her strength n determination to carry on. Im vr proud of her, really. Im so touched by this incident, how her dad sacrificed for her. How stupid of me to think of alllll da stupid little 'sacrifices' i have made in da past!

Ive been thinkin abt this all day. Sacrifice. Wht does it really really mean? Ppl always tell me its not worth sacrificin sometimes. Is it really true? I rem, recently, when i dislocated my finger to save a little kitten, my friends laughed at me. They didnt know if they'd want to call me kind, or if da word 'stupid' suited me more. I stopped playin da piano bcoz of my dislocation. And i cant play volleyball now, while im waitin for my injury to heal. Actually, its more of me being embarassed of not being able to play da piano tht well anymore. I couldnt accept da fact n i just kinda gave up on it instead. But i know i can do it, someday, definitely. When my finger gets better. And i shall wait.

So da lesson i've learnt today: Sacrifice, is not losing somethin u have. Its just passin somethin on to da people arnd u. I guess when someone sacrifices for another, they wouldnt feel tht nice coz they'd think its unfair somethin has been taken away from them. But wht they dont realize, is tht da happiness has been passed on to someone else. And made somebody's day. Isnt tht a beautiful thing? And now, da frail li'l kitten i saved d other day, stands outside my hse every mornin when i leave my home to go to college. Its no longer da frail li'l kitten now, its all grown-up, almost as big as her mother already. Now, isnt tht somethin to b happy abt?

-end-

Okay peeps, tried da popcorn shakes today. (Yknow, those in da cute cute ads on local TV stations? My personal fave is da one with da construction worker drillin or somethin..Dumb,but FARnee! Check it out if u havent seen it) Hmmph, feel so cheated. Its just da usual Popcorn Chicken+some kinda powdery flavour. My sis ordered BBQ flavour, i didnt enjoy at all.
HIGHLY NOT RECOMMENDED!

Alright, i just wanna announce myself 'bankrupt' now. Spent too much on books lately. Really need to cut down on my expenses. I've gotta stay away from MPHs or Kinokourniya or Page One for some time. I NEED TO STAY AWAY FROM BOOKSTORES!!!!

-end-

Arafat died today. Okay. I hafta blog this becoz im just genuinely surprised so many ppl arnd me really didnt know who this guy was. (Omigawd! But i wont b surprised if Nads comes up to me to ask "Huh? Wht is Arafat?" Haha, no offence Nads!) Its not like im really aware of every world issue like this, but how could u NOT know who this guy is?! Ahem!

Hmm so Palestine lost their dear president today. He was 75. I think he won this Nobel Peace Prize once, years ago. Even so, im still not quite sure if he's really a peacemaker coz da Israelis actually call him a terrorist. But he fights for his ppl, for his country, for his nation. I feel thts somethin to b proud of. U cant possibly please everyone right? Afterall, one man's food is another's poison.

Wars, theyre everywhr now. Its sad. But thts not up to us. And theyre not affectin us... yet. Arghh! But im quite convinced theyre gonna involve everyone soon. YES, EACH N EVERY ONE OF US! Just yesterday an elderly Buddhist protester was beheaded in Thailand..!

Kay kay, back to Arafat. Peacemaker vs. Terrorist. Thts still a dilemma. I think it'll always be. But to him, its purely a battle for peace. "The battle for peace is the most difficult battle of our lives."

Oh well, guess he just didnt live long enough to complete his movement.

Read more on CNN!
-end-

Hey peeps, no time to blog ler! Real busy now! Im still on Model 6, my previous Model 6 was destroyed this evenin!!!!! Arghh.. (I have 7 models to complete!) So plz pardon me if i dont reply any msgs on MSN or pick up any phonecalls, coz im really isolatin myself so tht i can work fast! I mean, REAL fast!

Hmm just to keep u guys informed (And my personal reminder):

18 Nov 2004 (Thu): EXAM Building Services 2.
19 Nov 2004 (Fri): STUDIO SUBMISSION 7 models + 6 drawings on our Retreat Hse design.
22 Nov 2004 (Mon): HISTORY SUBMISSION Darn timeline! I really need to make da most outta da 15% to make sure i pass my Architecture History 1!!!
24 Nov 2004 (Wed): EXAM Architecture History 1.
25 Nov 2004 (Thurs): EXAM Building Construction 1.

Arggh i havent even started studyin for any of those!! Wish me luck, PLEASE?!?!!! PLEASE?!!!

Oh well, at least got fun things after tht:

26 Nov 2004 (Fri): Jo's Birthday Pool Party.
28 Nov 2004 (Sun): SAQS Annual Ball.
And im secretly lookin forward to spend lotsa time with him!
*Please add more stuff to my FUN list!*

Ciaoz peeps, back to modelling (making models la! Haha..) Haih means no sleep again tonite! Take care.. Later!

-end-

TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG
teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong
TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG
teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong
TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG
teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong
TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG
teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong
TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG
teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong
TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG
teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong
TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG
teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong
TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG
teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong
TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG
teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong
TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG
teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong
TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG
teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong
TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG
teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong TEH LI SEONG teh li seong

AHHHHHH!

-end-

Hi people! Da Services2 test was fine. Err not superb la,but shld b okay kua.. And as for da Studio submission, da dateline has been postponed to next week but i think ive done almost everythin ady Woohoooo! (I have a vr special person to thank for this!)

Okay today i shall tell u guys another story. A story abt me, and my blurness. So it all started from my deprivation of sleep: i didnt sleep da whole night yesterday, and i slept only for 2hrs da night bfore tht. If yknow me well enough already, y'd definitely expect somethin interestin to happen.. Haha.

I came home from college at arnd 4+. Made a few calls to report tht im safe at home then went straight to my room. *Doooshhh* on my bed and thts probably da last thing i recall.

Woke up arnd 9+ bcoz my gma bising bising again. Went to da comp, check my messengers to find SOOOOo many msgs waitin for me. Okay so i shall let da chat conversations do da storytellin for me now:

*My nick is Miss Evil.*

Conversation #1
IAMGOD says:
halo sesat, puhleese la!
IAMGOD says:
ive neva met someone so stoopid b4!
call me when ure up!!!!!!
Miss Evil. says:
huh? i just woke up, anythin?
IAMGOD says:
I KNOW ARK! stoopid gal.
IAMGOD says:
I call ya wart!
Miss Evil. says:
Oh alright, then whts up?
IAMGOD says:
Nuthin aledi larh, all settled.. Stoopid gallllll
Miss Evil. says:
oi whts with da stupid stupid all arrr?
IAMGOD says:
hahahaha u dunn remember anything meh?
Miss Evil. says:
wht wor?
IAMGOD says:
stoopid la
IAMGOD says:
U got pick up my call wart.
I ask ya wanna keluar makan or not.. then u say "huh? i pass it to her aledi wht.." then i say huh?wanna makan or not? U say "haha very funny,dont lie!" then i ask..u sleeping arh? U say "No la im just bathin..." Hahahaaa
IAMGOD says:
then i said,fuh u so blur la, better go back to sleep la.. U make ur small kid voice say "im not sleeping la!" then we tok tok quite long, then out of nowhere u suddenly say "u know arh, yest i watch Fear Factor.. So funny la!" then i bengang terus fuhh..tok to u veli hard to understand la..
IAMGOD says:
apa pasal man!
Miss Evil. says:
whr got? i didnt talk to u also!
IAMGOD says:
got larh, check ur hp n c!
Miss Evil. says:
errmmm yahor got wor!
IAMGOD says:
stoopid mui. talk in ur sleep.
ppl ask A, u answer Z. Haihhh
Miss Evil. says:
ish jgn bising la, not da 1st day yknow me rite!
IAMGOD says:
yaya cant expect much from stoopid pig.

Conversation #2.
~swEet sWeEt RevEngE~ says:
whats wif u lar?
~swEet sWeEt RevEngE~ says:
why so weirdd wan?
Miss Evil. says:
whts wrong with me?
~swEet sWeEt RevEngE~ says:
jus now...
Miss Evil. says:
just now? just now wht?
~swEet sWeEt RevEngE~ says:
on the phone?
~swEet sWeEt RevEngE~ says:
u don't sound ok..
Miss Evil. says:
Huh? when we talk?
~swEet sWeEt RevEngE~ says:
6 sumthing
Miss Evil. says:
aa? got meh? i was sleepin wor!
~swEet sWeEt RevEngE~ says:
got!
Miss Evil. says:
i probably sleep-talked again..
~swEet sWeEt RevEngE~ says:
really? r u ok?
Miss Evil. says:
yea im kay! wht i told u wor?
~swEet sWeEt RevEngE~ says:
u said u were veri upset, dunno about what lar. u were mumbling away.
Miss Evil. says:
huh? im kay wor! i really dont rem sayin tht, hahaha
~swEet sWeEt RevEngE~ says:
mygod! scare me onli..
~swEet sWeEt RevEngE~ says:
i so worried kay! i called ur sis but can't get.. i tot sumthing bad happened!
~swEet sWeEt RevEngE~ says:
thnk god ure ok!
Miss Evil. says:
haha of course im kay. i was sleepin, safe n sound all da while.
~swEet sWeEt RevEngE~ says:
mygod! don't tok nonsense anymore! scare me teruk!
Miss Evil. says:
haha srry ler.. i really cant ctrl anythin when im asleep!
~swEet sWeEt RevEngE~ says:
U stupid gurl!!!!!

Conversation #3
dannyboy says:
hey hey li'l blurpot
Miss Evil says:
hi!
dannyboy says:
u are so cute!
Miss Evil. says:
why, thank u!
Miss Evil. says:
err but why suddenly?
dannyboy says:
u really dunno?
Miss Evil. says:
dont know wht?
dannyboy says:
what happened..
Miss Evil. says:
get to da point dan! dont hide arnd da bush..
dannyboy says:
ahhaha blurpot.. we talked on da phone for half an hr when u were asleep dear livee!
Miss Evil. says:
Huh?! again ar? ish..
dannyboy says:
again?
Miss Evil. says:
err nothin la. so wht did i tell u?
dannyboy says:
hahaha. lots n lots!
Miss Evil. says:
oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Miss Evil. says:
anythin embarassin?
dannyboy says:
i think u wont wanna know!
Miss Evil. says:
darn! yre lyin rite?
dannyboy says:
im serious dear lenglui
Miss Evil. says:
arghhh @!$%@#$%!
Miss Evil. says:
tell me tell me! wht i say?
dannyboy says:
for me to know, for u to find out!

Darn, da bestest thing abt all these is tht i really cant recall a single moment of those! But my call register doesnt look pleasin. They arent d only ones tht called durin my sleep today, and all of them were under my 'Received Calls'. I duwan to imagine wht i told all of them. Sigh, i hope its nothin. I hope daniel's just tryin to scare me.

Sesat, stupid, blur. Thts da label im wearin. Mayb i do live up to my reputation. Argh.

-end-

My history test yest was okay la. Kinda wrote everythin down based on my general knowledge, hope can pass ler! Haha, tried to fit da whole history of western architecture into my brain in half a day. If i pass i'd b jumpin all arnd! My building construction paper today was okay also ler. Finished da paper within half an hr to find everyone else still writing, i wonder i really answered them correctly, stressed ler~~!!! Pray for me plz, peeps, pray hard!

My final submission for studio is due 10.30am tmr. Have some touch-ups to do to my models. Samore hafta do my drawings. Im so stressed.. (Or i am supposed to be!) Somehow thrs no 'force', no nothin to push me to work harder for this! Mayb coz da prom is up this Sunday n i cant really focus on my work ady! Ishh dilemma betul!

Anywayz got my nails done just now. French manicure for rm40. In 1Utama.. My nails look preeeeettyyyyy now! Yay! (Kyle better appreciate me goin thru all these trouble, haha! *Hint hint*) Hope da french manicure will match my outfit! Oh well, i better try to get back to my studio.. And try my best not to ruin my nails in da process! (haha, call me vain.. whtever.. i admit!)

I shldnt sound so happy now, my grandma's condition gettin worse by da day. But i think i got over it already, she told me tht she wants to 'leave'... coz this leukemia she's havin is causin her too much pain. Im sad, but in a way, i guess its better for her. I dunno... Arghhh!

Ciaoz.
-end-

Its d end.

My grandma is gone.

No more sufferings for her.

-end-