Today, i was really really down and so i was chattin on MSN with Amanda and Tom.. Theyre such great frens..Manda listened to every bit of my problems and helped me figure them out..I love ya Manda!Yre such a wonderful girl!!Hugsss..

And Tom..da usual crappy Tom (just da way i like him)..came up with this trick to make me laugh..It was da stupidest crap i ever fell for! Argh haha..But it did work, i laughed haha.. This is da 'So-called William Hung Song' Tom composed for me.. It comes with dance moves as well! Cool rite?? (Anyway I still cant belif i belif him when he told me it was Will Hung's song!! So dumb of me!!)

*william hung song*

talk to me...

tell me your grief..

let me take away all your grief..

i will surely make you happy..

and you will never be sad again..

be happy be happy..

ohhh baby be happy be happy...

don;t sad cause you will have wrinkle face...

and then you will be so ugly..

be happy be happy..

ohh baby be happy be happy...

So Tom, I will b waitin for ya to show me da dance steps to da song alrite? Hehe..

To all my true frens: Thanks for being thr for me.. Hugzzz..

To LiSeong: I know yre always thr for me too... Love ya!

-end-

Feel a little better today, pourin out to Manda did help.. (thanks again, gurl!) So here i m online again, havin nothin better to do.. Liseong's exams are just arnd da corner so da only word in my dictionary now is SIEN SIEN SIEN!!!

ANyway, I found myself a 'son'.. Actually cannot consider it a 'find' also.. I kinda self-appointed myself.. Hehe.. Perasannye~ Btw his name's Snoopy! So so so so cuteeee!

Actually he's Peiling's uncle's puppy.. 6 mths old! Apparently he's as white as snow, so SNOW+PY=SNOOPY!! Hehe.. So thts how he got his name.. Cute cute cute.. I cant think of any other way to describe him! Hehe.. Nah.. Show u guys some pics of him (Thx, Peiling, for sendin me da pics!!) Cute rite? Who dare say NO?? ;P
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[img:253952]

My biggest accomplishment today? Beat Tom once at bowlin.. Da first game was great, coz had loads of energy at da beginnin..But can see dat my skills were deteoriatin thru time, more and more 'longkang's as da game continued..Da score was 86-61, hehe, Tom..I trashed u!! Haha.. ;P

Well then da game got better for Tom n i was so exhausted, my balls went rite into da longkangs..My score was stuck at 18 for, like, ages.. Haha.. Then i decided things werent lookin vr good for me, i told Tom tht we tengah 'bertarung longkang' hahaha..Well, then Tom came up with dis 'sure strike formula' n so i tried it out (doin it really slowly tht da ball hardly spins) n it works..I hit a strike! haha..Guess tht was d only time in da 2nd game tht i struck.. Score: 43-105.. Teruk rite?! HAha.. But i still consider myself da winner, coz we bertarung longkang, and i got 13 longkangs but he only had 7..Haha ;P Notti me!

Well, lately hasnt been vr good for me.. Why? I duwan to mention it here,i only wanna rem da happy times..and forget da bad ones.. well one thing for sure, da incidents happenin lately caused me alot of thinkin and i finally came up with my new theory.. Ppl bcome evil bcoz of d environment, it is hard to remain unviolated by evil thoughts in such complicated way of life we live now.. So my conclusion? When yre angry, try to SMILE.. Since smilin is a natural mood elevator, im sure its hard to be furious at anythin.. Try this (I've been tryin this da whole day!) : Think nasty thoughts while yre smilin..Hard, isnt it? Hahaha.. Plz lemme know if u can do it! Tou-tai HongLeong, plz state tht in our ajaran's book.. Haha..

So guess i settled one prob tht has been troublin my mind lately.. Im feelin a little better again.. Time to work for more... Will update u guys abt it..

-end-

Heard my bro’s voice from downstairs. Darn. Time to send him to sch again. Hardly slept last nite, hearin his voice at this time annoys me most.

So off we went to da cacat-ed sch, came back rite after tht to catch up on my yoga again. Failed to do my Head-to-Knee pose again, argh~! Not a good start off my day. Went downstairs, picked up da overnite papers.. Was exhausted when I came home from Pyramid yest, decided I’d catch up on news today instead. Flipped thru da first few pages swiftly, heard them in da TV3 news already. Then somethin caught my eye.

The Star, May 24 2004. Pg 6. Nation. FURORE OVER REMARK ON RAPE. I was outraged to read tht, I still am. This idiotic Umno pro tem chief from kota kinabalu said somethin like this.. “if u cant fight rape, better lie down n enjoy it.” Huh! Wht an idiot! Thrs more.. “rape victims shld b psychologically assessed as to whether they enjoyed da incident.” This is probably d one time in a million years I feel like callin someone a B**tArd.. ENJOY RAPE??!! Wht an insult to women! He shld b taken off da Umno post tht he has now, have himself raped n see if he enjoys it, then slaughtered to b fed to piranhas!

How can anyone be makin such a remark on such acts of violence. This is so unfair to da victims, whether theyre men, women or kids! Sickenin! His name? Roselan Juhar,rem him forever.. Kill him at any chance u get! He just givin an impression tht rape is not vr bad after all, wht kinda perception is tht?! By justifyin da act, he is indirectly encouragin more sickos to do this kinda evil things.. RAPE IS SOMETHIN TO BE CONDEMNED!! This kinda thought disgusts me, how can he expect ppl to ‘enjoy’ bein violated n tortured in such a way?

Joan said she nv seen me so boiled up b4. Im pretty scary when I get angry, it seems. Mayb I am, but I think da guy deserves to b condemned by me n everyone else on earth! Wht an idiot! Or mayb he’s just unlucky his words caught my attention today, in a grumpy mood. But no matter wht, leavin him alive on earth is takin up too much space n consumin too much oxygen tht might as well be used to give life to somethin more meaninful.. Its a disgrace to Malaysia to have such a citizen, wht irritates me more is tht he's an Umno leader.. He shld not be forgiven!

-end-

I’ve learnt a lot in recent years
Through your fake smiles
and my unseen tears
That sometimes friends aren’t forever
that Love doesn’t always last
And happy memories are eternal
But those moments go by too fast.

Words can cut deeper than any sword
Leaving me with something
that no man can replace or afford.
Now I know sometimes things happen
sometimes they break your heart.

I’ve been there before with head in my hands
Believing there’s no way anyone could understand
But friends try everything they can to help
Still I sit there unknowing and blind.
Things have changed, yes I agree
But I have learnt so much, too.
Experiences and feelings
have built me anew.

The sun shines down on me
although often, darkness surrounds.
I can see things clearly now
although sometimes I still do stray.
I realize now that I can be lost
But I will always be found.

Because now,
I know
Sometimes what we pray for
isn’t what we really need.

Renewed my drivin license today. Yay! Im no longer a P driver! (Congrat me, congrat me!!!) Hehe, another confirmation tht im a big girl! So u ppl out thr, better not call me a small kid anymore! U know who u are! 2 yrs passed just liddat, still feels like im a new driver! Time sure flies..

Oh, anyway.. Had McD's for lunch with Kyle, which probably explains why american idol's been on my mind all day.. Fantasia won! Haha.. Like it really matters.. But she's great, no doubt abt tht.. Then we headed off to sch for our yearbook meetin.. Really excited to work on da mag! But really tirin, coz hardly slept last night again! Suspect im sufferin from some kinda sickness, insomnia or somethin! Sigh~

Im goin to make some egg tarts n raspberry rolls tonight, will tell y’all how it turns out to b! Cant wait! Hehe, i love bakin! Okay, thts all for tonight.. Da kitchen’s waitin for me!

-end-

Hmm.. My tarts were fine, da 1st batch i mean. Da 2nd, kinda sad. Coz they were too sweet to my family's standard. Haha.. Think i measured somethin wrongly somewhr.

But da process of bakin is da fun part. With my sis, especially. Coz her speciality's sievin da flour, somethin i truly hate! haha..

So HongLeong, i owe u some alrite? Next time ler... Heheee~
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[img:260144]

Nice warm mornings
filled with laughter and childish ways.
Life as we know it is sweet,
with the play of children at our feet.
As the day goes and night nears
we are forced again to put on our fears.
Streets where children once were found
are now but an evening battleground.
Into houses stray bullets fly
where families cry and watch loved ones die.
As day approaches and night ends
the streets are filled again with one less friend.

This poem is dedicated to my neighbour who lived a few streets away who was murdered. He was shot to death one night during CNY when his kids were playin with fireworks near my home. Noone heard da shot. His kids only went home to find their dad dead, in da porch of their home.
Its sad how violence n crime is rampant in the streets. I sure hope there are still good people out thr..

May 29th. So familiar. Must b some ocassion. I flipped thru my 2004 organizer,hmm nothin. Worried tht ive forgotten someones bday, i looked for my older organizers.

Found it. Its written on tht column. May 29th- Michael Yip. With a couple of hearts drawn arnd it. Michael. So its Michael's bday.. Ive forgotten his bday. Ive forgotten this day tht had meant so much to me in da past. Ive even almost forgotten this guy whom i thought i fell in love with.

And i thought id nv forget. And i cried my heart out. Haha. Feels funny, now tht i think of it. Why did i think so? We havent even been together. He asked me to b his gf, i didnt answer although i did like him. Why? Honestly? He had real good looks! Haha.. So shallow of me.. But hey! I was only 16..

But he left, unexpectedly. Left for Aussie. Da last thing i could rem was tht he gave me a call da night b4, sayin goodbye. Da saddest thing was tht all my frens knew he was leavin, they just din tell me coz they thought id b da first to know anyway. So i was thr in my little girlie world, thinkin tht my life is ruined..

So we lost contact. Two yrs later, he called. He missed me, it seems. He shldnt have left, as he said. Yah rite! Im not gonna listen to his crapz anymore. Who did he think he was? So i just said bye n hung up.

Until today, i dunno wht happened tht time. Why did he hafta leave? Or perhaps, why did he wanna leave? He said he loved me, was tht a lie? Then he said he regretted tht he left, is it really da truth? Actually, all tht mean nothin to me now. I dont really need to know anyway.

Mayb i shld thank him for leavin. If we really got together, i doubt itd last anyway. I mean, i was just interested with his looks n da fact tht he was a great basketball player.

But now, im glad im mature enough to understand tht looks arent everythin. Im glad ive found Liseong. Someone great from da inside. And i think he's cute anyway. Hmm..da future's not ours to see. So i really cant tell if he'd still be lovin me in da future, but i know he loved me yesterday n he loves me now. Thts all tht matters to me.

-end-

My best friend called today. He's apparently vr disappointed in Life n how things are turnin out to b. He was once so ambitious, we shared our hopes n dreams since we were little. So here i m, studyin da course tht i love, as planned as before. But he's feelin like givin up his dreams for somethin less challengin. I understand his pain, i've seen him fall throughout da yrs. But i know, it hurts him more to give up his dreams, his actual plans for his future. My heart hurts to see him in such depression.

I wish reality wasnt so cruel, i wish we went back to da time before, i wish he'd still be da confident person tht i knew, i wish i could mend da broken spirit in him. So many wishes. So hard to achieve. He wont listen, but i need to tell him. How much i miss tht guy who've been pickin me up when i fell, tht guy who've been tellin me how great his dreams were n how we'd b in da future..When our dreams have been accomplished. Here's a poem from da bottom of my heart i wish he'd read.


When we were kids we had our dreams,
built our castles in the sky,
had a thousand plans and fancy schemes,
our hopes danced on wings of butterflies
and sparkled like the stars at night.

Then, disillusioned with realities,
your mind blocked out your marching song,
convinced your dreams could never be,
such hope in you should not belong,
such dreams and schemes were not but wrong.

But why are you losing faith in me?
I still believe there's a tiny flame,
a little spark and just maybe,
maybe you can dream again,
rebuild from embers that remain.

Dreams may seem waste, our world but gray
but when we trust in faith, on God rely,
Who knows how high our wings can fly,
though we'll never know if we won't try.

If we don't try,
we're bound to lose.

I'm always here for u. I'll pray for u. I'll do everythin i can do to help. Plz stand up and b strong. I'll support yr decision no matter wht. I wish we had a dream catcher.

-end-